Swine Flu

The world, or at least the tabloid press and the and the ingrates contributing to the BBC HYS section, worried about swine flu, I thought I had better put things down in black and white for the assistance of the stupid. Here are the actions required:

• Shooting down of all aircraft to stop the spread of infection.


• Nuclear strikes on all airports to kill any infection that's already been brought in.


• Turn over the airwaves from normal programming to special "We're going to die" shows.


• Banning of sombrero hats.


• And Mexican waves.


• Quarantining Speedy Gonzales even though he's a cartoon.


• As Scotland has a couple of slightly ill people, rebuild Hadrians wall.


• Cessation of the use of pork in all sausages, the meat to be replaced with estate agents.


• Serving a traditional British Breakfast to be made illegal unless the aforementioned suasages are used.


• Burning all smoky bacon crisps on a huge funeral pyre.

Simple huh ?